Its getting to the point where i shouldnt even bother speaking anymore. The thoughts in my head, i think, are signifigant, but when i bother trying to tell anyone else of my new found revaltions, they shrug it off, dont listen, nod their head and act like they care, but i know it means nothing to them. My word has become meaningless. I'm not a dishonest man, just have a heard time knowing which promises are important, or at least thats what i tell myself to get to sleep at night. Of course, i haven't been sleeping all that much anyway.

I know this is the start, i know now that this is the start of what would become a downhill slide that would effect me for the rest of my life, but at this time, i dont care. The chemicals have made me impervious to anyone elses emotions except my own. My own emotions have been dubbed down more into impulses most of which revolve around putting more of the chemical into my body. I think, i cant go on like this forever, eventually something will happen, i will be broken, but not today, today i am fucking invincible.