Its fucking rough since they told me. Its not like ignorance is bliss, but, when i didnt know i never second guessed myself. I always knew that was a little off, a little different, not quite right in the head, but had always assumed it didnt mean anything. That everyone was a little different. But im really different they say and now it feels like im slowly going insane, probably almost entirly caused by the fact that i cant trust myself.

I cant tell whats me, i cant tell whats the drugs, i cant tell whats the sobriety. Because even though i think im sober, im still on drugs.

Then they tell me i have to increase the dose. That im not at a "safe" level. What the hell do they know about my safety, these people have talked to me for maybe 2 hours total of my life and they think they know so much about whats going on in my head.

Of course everyone wants to think they are different, everyone wants to be that special exception to the rule.

So im torn, between what i think i know, what i might know, and what they tell me. At no point am i sure of anything.

Its really confusing, but i refuse to believe that ultimatly left to my own devices i will self-destruct.